If I had died when I got blown up in Iraq, my family wouldn’t be facing bankruptcy, foreclosure, and divorce. My mind stays in Iraq anyways and the physical and mental pain makes most of my days miserable anyways. My country that I wanted to serve has forgotten about me. They said they are going to throw me a little money to try and keep my family floating, but it’s been years and they just keep saying they are working on it still. Meanwhile my credit card debt is over 50k and my house payment is a couple months behind. Before I left for Iraq I made 80k minimum a year. Now I make 14k. That alone makes me wish I had died, but knowing I’m not going to be able to buy my daughter Christmas gifts this year makes me want to die. That might be shallow but I don’t really give a fuck. I served my country, with pride. I am paralyzed down my left side, I can’t concentrate for longer than a few minutes on anything, walking hurts, sitting hurts, I don’t sleep. I haven’t slept in three days right now. I was a man. I don’t know what I am now. My wife won’t even look me in the eye. I dont know if that is because she sees the incomplete man that I see when I look in the mirror or if it’s the guilt from her fucking another guy. I don’t get why I would come home only to go through more shit here. It’s a cruel joke. Aside from the time I get to spend with my daughter I am unhappy. I don’t mean I got mud on my shoes unhappy I mean I want to stop breathing unhappy. Fuck

9 months ago